A different kind of normal.

I’d like to believe that certain things are as they’re supposed to be.

That’ll be my mind’s caption in 2 months time, when round one of graduate life is drawn to a pre-mature conclusion…

I’m the master of planning, ya see, a 6 month setback can’t conquer mans like me:

THIS. IS. NADE*STAR!!!!!

(Even still, I’m bare surprised).

Not only will I have smashed my credit card and overdraft to pieces, I’ve got a main source of income, a paid writing position on the side, regular musical involvement and a beautiful camera begging for attention… that’s all set areas accessed! I know it doesn’t sound like much, but it’s a massive start for me.. foundations: laid.

POA - Year 2: save, move out, build it all up and solidify the beginning of a Neux World Order.

“Do you renember me?” is one of the most beautiful phrases you can hear from a child you don’t own, or often see.

In my head, I’ve adopted this little boy and I know exactly what to get for his birthday, so I’ma go buy that real soon and await his eventual return.

In no particular order..

- You can get help from teachers, but you are going to have to learn a lot by yourself, sitting alone in a room.

- I have heard there are troubles of more than one kind. Some come from ahead and some come from behind. But I’ve bought a big bat. I’m all ready you see. Now my troubles are going to have troubles with me!

- You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.

- I speak for the trees, for the trees have no tongues.

- Today I shall behave, as if this is the day I will be remembered.

- We are all a little weird and life’s a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.

I no longer have to worry about leaving behind anybody in life, ever again..

.. I’ve realised that there’s a duplicate for even the most amazing of souls, though it’s often only in part. Once you find all the missing elements, though, you can recreate the departed with a hand-selected group of representatives (theoretically).

Just a thought to nibble on, whilst my iPod continues to hide.

Okay, I’ve decided.. I’m gonna stay at CEX for a maximum of 7 more pay periods before I change job. That way, I’ll have a steady income during my time at home which I’ll use for the following:

- To clear all my small scale debts (everything except uni fees, basically)

- To create some sort of savings

- To treat myself and others

It’ll also mean I’ll have a year (ish) experience under my belt, which’ll hopefully include further supervisory responsibilities, plus I’m having fun around all this tech n ting (as well as my awesome colleagues) so it aint gonna drive me crazy..

.. in all honesty, the only reason I gotta go is ‘cause the pay is poor, the politics are more drama than I can take, the hours are life consuming and.. I just wanna do something that someone can be proud of, ya know? Like, even if that thing it isn’t what I’m paid for, I at least wanna have the spare time to engage.

Tbh, I don’t care what anybody thinks but I’d like to think that, one day, I might do.

Curse my unnaturally passive ways..

Further curse my inability to decipher anything that doesn’t follow straight logic, gosh darn it all.. darn it all right to mo’fucking hell.

iTunes should have a sleep mode which allows you to determine how long you want it to remain playing. All my playlists are too long, if I could be like “give me 2 hours of music then stop, regardless of whether of not you’ve played everything” then i’d be super sorted.

.. Apple should employ me, this aint the first enhancement I’ve thought of. Perhaps that’s why I hate them so; they’re supposed to be “innovative” and a “people’s brand,” yet they fall short in such ridiculously basic ways, often due to plain selfishness (like with the iPhone not allowing transfers to non-apple devices and being restrictive on personalisation options).

But enough about that..

I noticed, yesterday, that I like to see people happy.. like, I can honestly say it’s an enjoyable experience, watching the enjoyment of others.

Yes, I know I often snicker at misfortune and do/say/imagine some really fucked up shit, but.. I dunno, I’m also quite content to sit back and smile in a room full of funny little humans doing the funny little things they do to get by, ya know?

It’s precious.

Such drastic duality in me. It’s a little worrying.

I think I’m on that gayboy ting again: first Rylan, now Ezra.. I always found them amusing, but not in an “omg, I love you” sort of way - and they’d annoy me eventually.. I dunno what’s happening to me, I must be getting old and lonely, turning into some kinda bitch/dyke/faghag/nun :’)

Cleverbot is my new best friend. I can see myself spending many hours in his cyber company.

I trust vague/secretive humans a lot more than I do open ones.. they may not tell you everything, but you can guarantee they’ll never have reason to lie. That’s the sort of communication I can understand and appreciate, start talking to me and I won’t know what the hell’s going on.

(Obviously, this doesn’t apply to those who I’ve already figured out)

I think October - January is my favourite time of year..

It’s so amazing how the whole city is suddenly draped in warm coloured leaves, in complete contrast with the temperature drop, before being entirely drained of natural colour altogether, as Christmas draws nearer..

.. the sky gets darker, quicker, and the pretty lights come out to play, and the coffee shops smell and look like gingerbread houses, and people dress up like cuddly bears, and the couples look cosier, and the kids look happier, and it’s just such a magical time for me.. that powder blue sky you get on a winter day, ah.. and the subtle glow of the street lamps which somehow go unnoticed at all other times of year.. even being placed firmly on the outside is overwhelming.

I needa hit the mean streets with Niko at least once a week, from now, so I can capture enough material to turn into a story. Or an imaginary world, at least.

For the life of me, I can’t understand why I’m feeling so emotional :\